I have been in a place of unrest, a place of war within, a place that has led me to self-condemnation. A place that has prevented me from fully seeing and experiencing God, The Father. In the calling to come down here to Guatemala, the Lord gave me a vision to play a part in redeeming the people of Guatemala; reaching those that don’t know Him, and those who know Him but need help in their spiritual journey. Overall, to bring His love to people. And this is His heart. But He has shown me more, a breaking down within me of what I have ever come to know and believe. He has brought me here to also bring His love to me, just as much as others.
Confession: I am a recovering performance junkie! I have inevitably found my identity in my performance in life. In work, friends, and even church. How many things can I fill my schedule with in the belief that I have to do all of these things to find favor with The Lord, and people? A perfectionist mindset, in this place I have unfortunately put my identity in.
Nevertheless, the Father has removed everything that I found worth in – my job and how many things I can accomplish in a day, my independence with having a comforting house and vehicle, and overall being self-sufficient in every other way. All of these buffers I had in place led to emptiness. Where I am at now, there are no buffers but Him alone, a Father who wants to desperately bring me to a place of trust in His Spirit that I have never experienced before.
“Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” –Psalm 73:23-26
I have been living in a place of condemnation. And not only a place of condemnation, but a place of believing that The Father is withholding something from me.
As a result, there has been this tension between relying on my own understanding / comforts of this world / knowing the plan for my life AND knowing that The Father has a plan / He leads / He understands / He is in control. He is a Father that is not interested in behavior modification, but interested in healing, redeeming, and freedom – that is only found through His Son. And when I present my unbelief to Him, casting all my anxieties upon Him, that is where there is freedom!
For The Lord spoke to me – I don’t want you to camp out in that place of self-condemnation, for the price has already been paid. Come back into my arms, into this place of freedom I have for you. I want to take you deeper, into an intimacy with me that nothing else will ever satisfy. For I created you, my child, and I know everything there is to know about you.
“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh.” –Romans 8:1-3
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well……How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.” -Psalm 139:13-14, 17-18
My friend Henri and I above have become good buddies. One of the common things he says is “Hey budddyyy, what’s happening??” (With a Spanish accent and goofy voice, it is unique and brings laughter every time.) He has brought a pureness to our team that is distinct in its own way; he is a very special blessing from The Father to us.
He is from Honduras. He grew up on the streets there, living in a culture apart from God, with no family, hostile, and alone. God changed Henri’s heart and Henri gave his life to Christ a couple of years back. Now The Father brought him here to Guatemala, to learn, to share his love of The Lord, and to teach us something.
Henri’s heart has been the most amazing thing to me. After walking the streets of Antigua and the market in showing The Father’s love to people, Henri said, “Hey Stu, being with you made my heart feel really good, God is with us. Te quiero mucho, hermano.” (I love you a lot, brother.)
“A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” –Proverbs 18:24
Stu!!!! I love this blog. You’re super transparent and real with where you are at in your journey with the Lord… He’s speaking some great stuff 🙂 yay.
I can hear your laugh now. Continue to pray for you!
Stu,
That was very touching and awakening to many things that we already know, but never follow, read about, but never experience. You’re doing GREAT things for others and for your earthly and heavenly life. God bless you man. Keep your inspirational blogs coming 🙂
Wooooow! Stu this is so good and this speaks to me so much. You are right on. Thanks for letting people in on your journey!
That’s so amazing, Stu! I can’t wait to be in that place of complete dependency. Just me and Him. There are so many worries in this life, but you reminded me just how good He is and how we can repeatedly fall backwards in to His arms.
Love hearing what the Lord is doing in and around you!
Great perspective! Thank you for sharing your journey, you’re in our thoughts and prayers.
Amen Brother! May God continue to refine you as you continue your journey to serve others for His Glory.
Your Brother Christian
Hi friend! We are praying for you and enjoying your updates and pictures. Keep them coming.
good lessons my friend. God is so kind in the way he draws us back to himself. Thank you, Jesus!
Hey Stu,
Great to read about what God is doing there in Guatemala!! Greg and I love reading about your journey and what God is teaching you. We are continuing to pray for you and those whose path you come across.
Soli Deo Gloria,
G and L
Thanks for the encouragement Kacie!
Thanks TJ, I was just remembering a time with all of us laughing together, thanks 🙂
Thanks for the feedback brother! Miss you man!
Kelsey! Glad this speaks to you also! The Lord is working, woohoo!
Thanks Paul, it can be the craziest thing in realizing this dependency! Miss you bro!
Thanks for the feedback!
Dude, bro, friend! Miss you man! We will have to chat on the phone sometime soon! I need some quality catch up with the Blainer!
Thanks for the words Christian!
Thanks Jen! Miss you all!
Word brotha! Hope you are doing well, you’re in my prayers!
Lennie and Greg! Miss you two! Thanks so much for the encouragement and prayers!
Stu, this is really good stuff that the Lord is showing you.
“He is a Father that is not interested in behavior modification, but interested in healing, redeeming, and freedom that is only found through His Son. And when I present my unbelief to Him, casting all my anxieties upon Him, that is where there is freedom!”
Keep pressing into His love and truth!
Thanks for encouragement sista!
Love this blog bro and love your heart man…hope to see ya soon brotha
Dude, there’s so much more in store for you! I read a lot of Matthew 6:10 in this! Thanks for sharing your heart. Keep pressing in!
Thanks brotha! Hope to see you soon too!
Thanks for the encouragement man! Looking forward to seeing you otra vez!